"Those days"

Every mom knows what I'm talking about.  One minute, you're staring at your child in awe of what a miracle they are.... and then you have one of "those days."  One of those days in which you wonder how you got yourself into this mess.  Pregnancy is definitely different the second time around.  For the majority of this pregnancy, I would forget I was even pregnant.  I was so busy taking care of my toddler that it would only cross my mind a couple times a day.  But towards the end is when it really hits you.  I'm huge.  My body is feeling it.  But instead of resting like I could do last time around, I have a preschooler to take care of that still needs to be fed, bathed, played with and not made to feel like her new sibling is already taking all the fun out of mommy.  So needless to say, while I'm holding on to these few moments I have left as a mommy of 1, I'm looking forward to having my body back. 
This past weekend, I had one of "those days."  Well really, one of "those weekends."  Abe was working 2 back to back gigs which meant he was gone from early morning until about 2:30am both days so Miss Farrah was going to be solely my responsibility all weekend.  Sounds easy enough I mean, I am her mom right?  Sunday afternoon is when the efforts of the weekend started to make my body hate me.  And of course, in true kid fashion, my kid decided this would be the perfect time to act out like I've never seen before.  My normally non-bratty child became a full blown fan of the word "no" combined with a stink face.  Did not cooperate and instead of going to sleep like she normally would, decided to scream her face off, and then when I went to check on her after a while, bolted out of her room and into my bed.  I finally caved after 2 hours of this back and forth, not to mention 2 hours of me crying out of frustration and exhaustion, and put her in our bed and went to sleep with her. 
It's these days that make me question what's to come with 2 kids.  If I have days like this with 1, what are my days going to be like with 2?  I wish I had the answer, but I guess I won't know until I'm faced with it.  Until then I'm comforted by the days that are much more common around here.  The ones where yes, I'm exhausted at the end of the day, but still have a smile on my face.  The ones where she tells me she loves me and that I'm her best friend.  The small bits of appreciation and cooperation are all it takes to recharge my batteries. 
Here's a glimpse into that weekend:

Yep.... that's her finding a bottle of my lotion and squeezing it all over.  I probably should have stopped her instead of taking a picture but I needed some type of evidence for my gripe session with her daddy when the weekend was over ;)  Mommies of 2+, tell me it's not as bad as I'm imagining it's going to be.

Only a week late

 Happy Belated Halloween!  So much has happened this week I don't know where to begin.  Let's start with last Tuesday.  I had another ultrasound because my doctor wanted to see one last time if the placenta had moved out of the way before the scheduled the c-section and wouldn't you know it, that dang placenta finally moved out of the way.  Nothing like waiting until the last minute.  So the good news is, I'm officially in the clear and off bedrest.  I can finish the rest of my pregnancy as usual and have a natural delivery whenever he decides to make his appearance instead of a c section next week.  We were all shocked, even my doctor.  So I'm back to business as usual.  It took me a few days to get used to being up and moving around.  That first day when I had Farrah and we went to run a few errands was such a shock to my body I had to lay down the rest of the day.  I guess I overdid it that first day :)  But I was so excited to go to the grocery store, target, and just be a normal mom with my girl.  Things you take for granted.
So the next day was Halloween and I was so excited that I was now able to attend her preschool costume parade and go trick or treating with her.  In true Farrah style, she wanted to be Ariel.  She loves her some little mermaid.  She was excited when we first got there, but then when the parents left to line up on the street she got upset that we were leaving and started crying, hence all the pictures of her looking sad in her costume.  It was our first time actually taking her trick-or-treating and we didn't want her on sugar overload so we just took her to a few houses in our neighborhood of people we knew.  She thought it was the coolest thing that you could knock on someone's door and they will give you candy.  She didn't quite understand it's only on Halloween and has been asking to go trick or treating again.  She inherited my sweet tooth.

On Sunday my friends threw me a surprise "non-shower."  I gave specific instructions that I didn't want a shower this time because it's my second time around and I already have everything we need.  We got everything in gender-neutral colors last time for this reason.  But there was a knock on the door Sunday afternoon and I, in my huge fat pants and shirt opened the door to find 10+ of my closest friends yelling "Surprise!"  Needless to say, I was surprised and embarrassed at my appearance.  But if I'm keeping it real, all of these close friends have seen me looking like that and worse many times.  So I scurried upstairs to change and came back down to hang out with everyone.  We got some adorable little boy clothes and boy accessories.  We are going to have one well-fitted little man.  I just love little boy clothes.  I'm glad it wasn't a traditional shower, and I'm glad I still had a chance to see all my friends before he arrives. 
That's all I'll share for now.  Hoping to have more time to post this week.  Lots more on my mind.

Dear Farrah

I sit here realizing that our days as a family of 3 are numbered.  Any day now, your brother could make his appearance, and a world that once revolved around you, will now revolve around you and a tiny baby boy.  I used to watch this show on TLC called "A Baby Story" and anytime the woman was getting ready to have her second child she would always break down about the thought of her first child.  I never understood that.  Until now.  You have been my entire world for the past 3+ years since we knew you were on your way.  In a strange way, I get defensive and think I don't want to share my time with any other kids, and then I realize this new kid is going to be equally as much my kid as you are and I will love him just as much.  It's just hard to imagine that I could possibly expand my heart enough to love another baby as much as you. 
You seem excited to meet your brother.  Up until this point, I haven't heard you say one negative thing about the new baby that's coming.  In fact all you've been is excited and wondering when he's coming to play with you.  I wonder if you truly understand the changes that will take place when he comes.  I've second guessed our decision to have another child, knowing it will take away from you in some ways, and then I realize it's the best thing for you.  Both your daddy and I have said that our siblings were such a huge part of our lives and we can't imagine not having them in our lives.  Yes this will change things in some ways, but I know you deserve the chance to be a big sister.  To teach him all of the things you know.  To look out for him.  To love him.  You will be an amazing big sister. 
Before our family of 3 becomes a family of 4 I want you to know how loved you are.  You are not only a gift to your dad and I, but you are a gift to the world.  I love you more than I could ever explain, and if you were the only child I was ever able to have, I would consider myself the luckiest mom in the world.  But lucky for you, you'll have a life long buddy to go through life with.  When your dad and I are gone someday, you will always have each other.  Thank you for all you've taught us over these past 3 years.  You are one special girl. 
Love you to the moon and back,
Mommy

21st century mom problems

I have many good memories from my childhood.  My parents did a great job.  Definitely things I would have done differently, but the fact that both my sister and I are normal, productive members of society without arrest records means they must have done something right :)  I do however remember the craziness of our days.  My parents both worked very hard.  There was a point where my mom was working nights at a grocery store and ran a home daycare during the day.  When she slept, I don't know.  Add that to all the activities us girls did and life was crazy.  I don't ever remember my mom sitting down.  She ate her breakfast over the kitchen sink or in the car on the way to wherever she was headed.  At nights when my sister and I would watch a tv show or play with our toys she would be racing around doing laundry, cleaning, and whatever other household duties hadn't been completed.  I remember wishing she would just sit down for a minute to watch our show with us, or sit down to just be with us.  I promised myself I would do things differently when I had a family. 
I'm starting to understand more what it must have been like for her, and sympathize.  Being a parent is difficult.  There are so many things to juggle that I think sometimes it would be easier if the hospital just send each baby home with an assistant for the parents.  That way we could give 24 hr. undivided attention to our kids.  Unfortunately, duty calls..... and the dirty floors, uncooked dinner, laundry, errands, etc.  But I started realizing what things are necessary to run a household and what things just eat up my time.  One thing us 21st century mamas have is the added obligation of technology.  Especially being that I have a home based business, my phone is attached to my hip.  Between email, texting, facebook and phone calls it's practically a full time job to keep it up.  If these things existed when my mom was raising us, I may have never seen her. 
As I was laying with Farrah the other day playing puzzles with her, I had my phone in my hand, checking facebook and I thought "I don't want her to have these memories of me when she gets older."  I'm physically there, yes, but what does it matter if I'm there if my face is buried in my blackberry?  And why is it even necessary to check these things right when they come in?  If I don't return a text instantly will myself or my business spontaneously combust?  Not likely.
So I made the conscious decision to put the phone down.  To rid myself of the temptation I have to put physical space between myself and the phone... bad I know.  If I'm upstairs with her, my phone needs to be downstairs to avoid the temptation.  I have no idea if I've already done some damage... I surely hope not, but she is a kid that likes people to be involved in whatever she's doing.  She says things like, "Mama, do you want to sit down right here next to me?" or if I put on a show for her she immediately says "Mama do you want to watch this show with me?"  It matters to her that I'm there.  And it matters to me.
Now don't get me wrong, there are things I have to do as her primary care giver and person that does most of the house stuff that she will have to be a part of but I try to include her.  She "helps me" fold laundry, put things away, even cook.  She has to tag along on all the errands.  Since I work from home, when she's at preschool I have to use that time to work so the household stuff has to be done with her in tow.  I hope that it makes her a stronger kid in the long run.  Isn't that what all us parents what really?  Our kids to have a happy, healthy childhood filled with good memories.  It's easy to second guess choices you've made.
You do the best you can and hope your kids turn out ok, but this 21st century mama is leaving my 21st century blackberry behind when I have my mommy hat on. 

How about you?  Any experience with this?  I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

4 years

 Thursday marked 4 years of wedded bliss.  Craziness, but blissful craziness.  I feel like that special day was last week, not 4 years ago.  And yet so much has happened in the last 4 years.  We purchased our first home, my husband finished his Master's, made a career change and got promoted.  I promoted myself in my business and earned my first free car, something I've dreamed of since the day I started my business.  And of course, our beautiful baby girl that has now turned into my big girl and her baby brother on the way. 

 It has been one wild ride.  Another reason my faith in God is so strong is because I honestly believe there is not another person on this planet better suited for me than him.  I don't think anyone else could handle me :)  And he brings normalcy to our abnormal days.  He calms me like no one else can.  He is simply the best.

And now we're about to embark on a new adventure.  Parents of 2.  We're going to be boy parents instead of just girl parents.  Kind of surreal.  Life is about to get even crazier.  Not sure what we're in for, but I do know that there's no one I'd rather take on this new adventure with than him. 

No news is good news.... I guess?

I have to say, fall is finally hitting Northern California.  Early October was filled with above 100 temps and I was worried I might be jipped out of my favorite season.  But today as I sit here sipping my coffee in my sweats, I am so happy to be in the thick of my favorite season.  I hope it stays like this because I don't do 100+ degrees ever, but especially in October. 
So I had my "big" ultrasound on Tuesday.  The ultrasound tech's do their job, but really aren't allowed to interpret what they see so I left there without knowing what was going on and waiting to hear from my dr.  The next day I got an email saying basically that the placenta has moved 1 cm but it's not enough so they want to do another ultrasound at 35-36 weeks to see if there's any improvement and if not, schedule a c-section.  So I emailed back to ask about the timing of the c-section because the high risk Dr. I saw had said that if this ultrasound didn't show improvement they would schedule the c-section for 36 weeks.  My dr. replied that she's in touch with the high risk dr. now and that she will let me know her opinion but if I don't have anymore bleeding they will try and hold off until 38 weeks which would put us at right around Thanksgiving.  More of an answer than the first email I guess but still nothing I can plan around.  Oh kids..... even before they're born they know how to take control and throw our "plans" out the window.  Gotta love it!  Hopefully I'll have more updates soon!

Sicko

It's been a while since I've felt like posting.  And to be honest, I'm not feeling very inspired right now to post either but since it's been so long I'm feeling a little blogger guilt.  I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy.  I told my husband I came to the realization that much of my self worth comes from productivity.  I'm obsessed with to-do lists, I love seeing what I've accomplished at the end of the day, and when I can't do that, I start to feel worthless.  I'm just ready for next week's ultrasound and to have some answers.  I hate not knowing so hopefully this will at least bring me some satisfaction in knowing what to expect.
Farrah woke up Wednesday morning with a fever and a nasty cough.  Didn't get much sleep last night because my poor baby was in bed with us.  She's still sick today and tomorrow my mother-in-law is coming to visit us for about a week so I hope she's better by then.  All of us have been looking forward to her visit so much.  Especially Farrah.  She keeps saying "Nana's coming to visit me."  Here's hoping Farrah will be well enough to enjoy her visit. 
Wish I had more to report but alas, until Tuesday, I have little excitement to share.  Until Tuesday!