21st century mom problems

I have many good memories from my childhood.  My parents did a great job.  Definitely things I would have done differently, but the fact that both my sister and I are normal, productive members of society without arrest records means they must have done something right :)  I do however remember the craziness of our days.  My parents both worked very hard.  There was a point where my mom was working nights at a grocery store and ran a home daycare during the day.  When she slept, I don't know.  Add that to all the activities us girls did and life was crazy.  I don't ever remember my mom sitting down.  She ate her breakfast over the kitchen sink or in the car on the way to wherever she was headed.  At nights when my sister and I would watch a tv show or play with our toys she would be racing around doing laundry, cleaning, and whatever other household duties hadn't been completed.  I remember wishing she would just sit down for a minute to watch our show with us, or sit down to just be with us.  I promised myself I would do things differently when I had a family. 
I'm starting to understand more what it must have been like for her, and sympathize.  Being a parent is difficult.  There are so many things to juggle that I think sometimes it would be easier if the hospital just send each baby home with an assistant for the parents.  That way we could give 24 hr. undivided attention to our kids.  Unfortunately, duty calls..... and the dirty floors, uncooked dinner, laundry, errands, etc.  But I started realizing what things are necessary to run a household and what things just eat up my time.  One thing us 21st century mamas have is the added obligation of technology.  Especially being that I have a home based business, my phone is attached to my hip.  Between email, texting, facebook and phone calls it's practically a full time job to keep it up.  If these things existed when my mom was raising us, I may have never seen her. 
As I was laying with Farrah the other day playing puzzles with her, I had my phone in my hand, checking facebook and I thought "I don't want her to have these memories of me when she gets older."  I'm physically there, yes, but what does it matter if I'm there if my face is buried in my blackberry?  And why is it even necessary to check these things right when they come in?  If I don't return a text instantly will myself or my business spontaneously combust?  Not likely.
So I made the conscious decision to put the phone down.  To rid myself of the temptation I have to put physical space between myself and the phone... bad I know.  If I'm upstairs with her, my phone needs to be downstairs to avoid the temptation.  I have no idea if I've already done some damage... I surely hope not, but she is a kid that likes people to be involved in whatever she's doing.  She says things like, "Mama, do you want to sit down right here next to me?" or if I put on a show for her she immediately says "Mama do you want to watch this show with me?"  It matters to her that I'm there.  And it matters to me.
Now don't get me wrong, there are things I have to do as her primary care giver and person that does most of the house stuff that she will have to be a part of but I try to include her.  She "helps me" fold laundry, put things away, even cook.  She has to tag along on all the errands.  Since I work from home, when she's at preschool I have to use that time to work so the household stuff has to be done with her in tow.  I hope that it makes her a stronger kid in the long run.  Isn't that what all us parents what really?  Our kids to have a happy, healthy childhood filled with good memories.  It's easy to second guess choices you've made.
You do the best you can and hope your kids turn out ok, but this 21st century mama is leaving my 21st century blackberry behind when I have my mommy hat on. 

How about you?  Any experience with this?  I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

4 years

 Thursday marked 4 years of wedded bliss.  Craziness, but blissful craziness.  I feel like that special day was last week, not 4 years ago.  And yet so much has happened in the last 4 years.  We purchased our first home, my husband finished his Master's, made a career change and got promoted.  I promoted myself in my business and earned my first free car, something I've dreamed of since the day I started my business.  And of course, our beautiful baby girl that has now turned into my big girl and her baby brother on the way. 

 It has been one wild ride.  Another reason my faith in God is so strong is because I honestly believe there is not another person on this planet better suited for me than him.  I don't think anyone else could handle me :)  And he brings normalcy to our abnormal days.  He calms me like no one else can.  He is simply the best.

And now we're about to embark on a new adventure.  Parents of 2.  We're going to be boy parents instead of just girl parents.  Kind of surreal.  Life is about to get even crazier.  Not sure what we're in for, but I do know that there's no one I'd rather take on this new adventure with than him. 

No news is good news.... I guess?

I have to say, fall is finally hitting Northern California.  Early October was filled with above 100 temps and I was worried I might be jipped out of my favorite season.  But today as I sit here sipping my coffee in my sweats, I am so happy to be in the thick of my favorite season.  I hope it stays like this because I don't do 100+ degrees ever, but especially in October. 
So I had my "big" ultrasound on Tuesday.  The ultrasound tech's do their job, but really aren't allowed to interpret what they see so I left there without knowing what was going on and waiting to hear from my dr.  The next day I got an email saying basically that the placenta has moved 1 cm but it's not enough so they want to do another ultrasound at 35-36 weeks to see if there's any improvement and if not, schedule a c-section.  So I emailed back to ask about the timing of the c-section because the high risk Dr. I saw had said that if this ultrasound didn't show improvement they would schedule the c-section for 36 weeks.  My dr. replied that she's in touch with the high risk dr. now and that she will let me know her opinion but if I don't have anymore bleeding they will try and hold off until 38 weeks which would put us at right around Thanksgiving.  More of an answer than the first email I guess but still nothing I can plan around.  Oh kids..... even before they're born they know how to take control and throw our "plans" out the window.  Gotta love it!  Hopefully I'll have more updates soon!

Sicko

It's been a while since I've felt like posting.  And to be honest, I'm not feeling very inspired right now to post either but since it's been so long I'm feeling a little blogger guilt.  I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy.  I told my husband I came to the realization that much of my self worth comes from productivity.  I'm obsessed with to-do lists, I love seeing what I've accomplished at the end of the day, and when I can't do that, I start to feel worthless.  I'm just ready for next week's ultrasound and to have some answers.  I hate not knowing so hopefully this will at least bring me some satisfaction in knowing what to expect.
Farrah woke up Wednesday morning with a fever and a nasty cough.  Didn't get much sleep last night because my poor baby was in bed with us.  She's still sick today and tomorrow my mother-in-law is coming to visit us for about a week so I hope she's better by then.  All of us have been looking forward to her visit so much.  Especially Farrah.  She keeps saying "Nana's coming to visit me."  Here's hoping Farrah will be well enough to enjoy her visit. 
Wish I had more to report but alas, until Tuesday, I have little excitement to share.  Until Tuesday!

Weekend Recap

I had a wonderful weekend.  One of the best I've had in a while.  So why not share with my internet friends, right?  I was a little nervous about Saturday.  It was the first day that I've had Farrah the entire day by myself since my first hospital stint.  My entire placenta previa support group was all out of town and Abe works all day every Saturday so from 7am-8pm I was going to have to attempt to occupy her while lying down or sitting down.  All I have to say is, thank you pinterest!  I came up with a handful of crafts for her and I to do together.  I did break the rules a little bit and we went to Panera for a quick breakfast and then to Michael's to get all the supplies we needed for our day of crafts... shhhh don't tell. 
The first thing we did was a "science project."  I can't make fun though because this is about the extent of my science skills.  When she gets older than 5 she will have to ask her dad about any science or math related questions.  I filled a glass baking dish with a box of baking soda and then we filled several small bowls with vinegar and food coloring.  Then we took a dropper and she filled it with one of the colors and dropped it on the baking soda and watched it fizz.  She loved it!  Occupied us for at least a half hour which for a toddler is pretty good. 
Then we found this gem on pinterest.  She played with the magnets and the sheets for a few minutes but then she was excited to put the magnets all over the fridge and make a "special design for daddy."  Still kept her occupied so I won't complain.
While I'm not able to run around and play with her like I would like to, I'm glad I can still be productive in my time with her without plopping her in front of the tv and ipad all day.  But if I had to do that.... well than don't judge me :)
Sunday was one of the best days I've had in a long time because my husband didn't have to work and probably for the rest of the weekends between now and when the baby comes he will have to work Sundays so I treasured every moment of that time together.  I didn't return a single text, facebook, or email or even think about my business really.  We had bagels in the morning and then we watched the 49ers game while Farrah played with the Halloween decorations we had taken out of the garage to get us set up for the season.  I was so happy my husband could watch the football game.  I can't remember the last time he was able to sit and watch any type of sports game semi-uninterrupted.  After the football game we were lazy for a while and then went to my parents house for dinner.  I haven't seen them in a long time and we were waiting to tell them the baby name until we told anyone else so we were able to finally tell them what their grandson's name is.  Drumroll please...... Kellen!  Kellen is a name I've always liked, but it also combines my parents names so I thought it was extra special.  Luckily my hubby really liked it too.  It was a much needed day or recharging our batteries to take on these next 5ish weeks until the baby comes.
Monday morning I had a checkup.  Not much to note although I'm going to be super vain and say I was pumped when she told me I've only gained 16 lbs. overall.  I thought it was more than that but I guess I was off.  Last time I gained almost 50 lbs with Farrah and I had such a hard time getting it off.  I never really lost it all and not to mention the toll it took on my emotions was not fun. So I'm excited to not have to deal with all that this time around.  Unless I somehow gain 34 lbs in the next 5 or so weeks :)
I'm counting my blessings after a wonderful weekend with my family.  Plus fall is here and there's something in the air, even if it is still on the warmer side here, that tells me it's time for my favorite season of all.   Bring on the pumpkin! 

Pregnancy hormones

Up until recently, I didn't think I'd fallen victim to the stereotypical pregnancy hormones that can overtake you during the emotional roller costar that is the 9 months of pregnancy.  But it all came crashing down this week.  Multiple instances, multiple reasons, no reason at all, a whole litany of emotions have overtaken me this week.  My poor husband!  It started this week on a day where Farrah had preschool, then my wonderful friend picked her up for me and took her back to her house, then my other friend picked her up and took over for a while until it was pretty much Farrah's bedtime.  When she got back and I was getting her into bed, I felt so bad that I had gone the whole day without seeing her and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.... things are never going to be the same as they were before.  When I found out I was pregnant, I thought I had 9 months of quality time with my sweet girl before things permanently changed, but because of complications, I can't be the same mom as I was before and spend the same amount of time with just the 2 of us until I'm done with this pregnancy, and well, when I'm done with this pregnancy I will have a new baby to look after too.  The tears started flowing..... and I couldn't stop.  Even typing this makes my eyes well up.  Hard to imagine a life different than the one I've created with this family of 3 over the past few years.  But I remind myself that before Farrah came along I had no idea how it was going to work and now I can't imagine my life without her.  Now I'm faced with the same thing.  I don't know how I'll juggle both kids on top of the rest of my life but I have faith it will come together like it did last time.
Ohhhh... and then there was my crying fit after watching an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashian's.  That's what made me think maybe my hormones are just kicking in :)  That and maybe a little bit of cabin fever. I'm realizing that maybe I was much more of a controlling person than I realized, and when put in a situation where I lack control of pretty much every aspect of my life for the next few months might be getting to me more than I realized it would.  God must be teaching me a lesson.  In fact, I know He is, and I just have to take it in.  I never doubt things will work out.  I'm an eternal optimist in that way, I just like to control things in the mean time :)  Guess that won't be happening in the mean time. 
In other news, I've completely slacked on my pregnancy updates and pictures this time around so here are a few tidbits to tide you over:

How far along?  28 weeks

• How big is baby? Putting on layers of fat, your baby now weighs in around 1.5 to 2.5 pounds and measures about 13.6 to 14.8 inches.

• Total weight gain: As of my last Dr.'s appt I'm up about 18 lbs.
  

• Maternity clothes? yep, maternity pants, some maternity some regular shirts and dresses.  But I mostly wear my hubby's oversized shirts and basketball shorts.  Who needs to look cute when you're laying around the house all day?

• Stretch marks? No new ones.  I got quite a few on my belly last time around so I'm hoping that between not gaining as much this time and slathering some cream on my belly I won't make it worse.  

• Sleep: sleeping good, getting up once or twice a night to pee, but able to fall right back to sleep and sleep comfortably.
  

• Best moment this week:  My conversations with Farrah.  I never thought I would enjoy conversation with a preschooler but she has had so much to say recently and I just want to take it all in.
  

• Miss Anything?  Being active.  Strangely, cooking and cleaning!  I'm realizing now how valuable I really am to this household.  I guess I did a lot more than I realized. 

• Movement:  I have a feeling we're in trouble with this little boy.  He is sooo active.  Even from as early as 20 weeks people were able to feel him kicking from the outside very strongly.  Even the nurses in the hospital during my stays have commented on how much he moves.  You don't have to tell me!  I'm the one that feels it all day. 

• Food cravings:  Haven't had many cravings.  Just kind of eating whatever at this point.  Whatever hubby cooks, whatever people have brought by the house.  Can't be picky! :)  But I do want to drink cold water pretty much all day long.

• Food aversions: nothing really.... that stage ended a while ago.

• Gender: Definitely a boy.  After several ultrasounds now we were able to get the proof we wanted.

• Labor Signs: Nothing this week thankfully.  Just hoping it stays that way for a while. 

• Symptoms: Starting to feel much more pregnant.  Some lower back pain.  It's much more of an effort getting up and laying down.

• Belly Button in or out? In!  Don't think it will pop out.  Didn't with the last pregnancy.

• Wedding rings on or off? On! Which is a major accomplishment considering last time I had to stop wearing them about half way through the pregnancy and couldn't get them back on for about a year and a half after she was born.

• Looking forward to:  32 week ultrasound.  At that point they'll be able to tell me if the placenta has moved and I'll be able to deliver naturally around 40 weeks or if it hasn't and I'll have to have a C-section around 36 weeks.  Kind of a big difference in my book.

• Milestones/what's going on inside: Just making it another week!  Everyday I know he's getting stronger and stronger and I'm grateful.  Keep cooking little man!

Cast of Characters

Sorry for the gap between posts.  I ended up in the hospital again for another bleed over the weekend.  Thankfully it wasn't as bad and they just monitored me this time for a couple hours and sent me home.  Bed rest just got kicked up a notch.  I have to really take it easy.  I am beyond blessed to have so much help.  I can't believe I've never blogged about some special people in my life because they are so special and such a big part of my life that it seems silly that they wouldn't be all over this blog, but alas, I'm slacking.  So I want to introduce you to team "keep baby in as long as possible!"  Here they are, in no particular order:

Meet Tina!  Tina and I met because of my other bestie Carla who you'll meet in a minute.  We've been friends since college and her and her amazing hubby Anthony bought a house 3 doors from ours which brought us even closer.  Then, a little over a year ago she decided she had enough with her 9-5 and joined my Mary Kay team so now we're coworkers!  So needless to say, we're close.  Tina and Anthony have been awesome to help out however they can during these last few weeks.  She picks up Farrah from preschool and brings her back home, helps me with cooking and cleaning, and both times I had to get to the hospital, they ran over to the house to stay here with Farrah while we jetted off to the hospital.  I highly recommend you all to buy a house near your friends :)  Thanks Tina!

Meet Carla!  Obviously an old pic folks.  I definitely don't drink while pregnant, although I do dream about the days when I can have one of these glorious cocktails again.  This is Carla.... or as Farrah calls her, Auntie Caca.  Carla and I met the day I moved to Santa Barbara my freshman year of college.  She lived in the dorm across the hall from me and we've been inseparable ever since!  She's bounced around from city to city and then met the love of her life and decided to buy a house on our street too since she's also friends with Tina!  I mean, come on folks, who has their 2 best friends living on their street?  I'm so fortunate!  She and her fiancee even lived with us for a bit while they were saving for their house.  We are blessed to have her and Jeremy as friends, neighbors, and really family at this point :)  She comes over after work pretty much everyday and plays with Farrah until Abe gets home so I can rest and lay down per Dr.'s orders!  And she brings me frozen yogurt... score!  They're the best!

Meet Kassidy!  My one and only sibling.  Just the 2 of us.  She loves playing with Farrah and comes over on her days off to watch Farrah, clean, whatever I need to make sure I stay off my feet.  I'm so grateful to have her.  There's nothing like being one of only 2 kids.  There's no one else in the world that understands my life from birth to present quite like she does.  And Farrah loves to play with her auntie too :)

Meet my parents!  Yep I'm busting out the wedding pics.  It's sad I don't have that many pictures of my parents.  I'll get on that.  They have been gracious enough to take Farrah on Saturdays as Abe works all day every Saturday and I'm just not in a position to watch Farrah by myself right now for more than an hour or so, let alone for 12-15 hours straight.  Farrah loves going to Grandma and Papa's house.  Probably because she gets spoiled there :) 

Meet my love!  The very best person in the universe qualified to handle me and all my craziness, preggo or not.  This is the Abe that you all hear about so frequently.  This is a very old picture but it brings a smile to my face everytime I see it. It was about a year after we started dating so.... 6 1/2 years ago or so.  He is the best husband and father ever.  I know I'm biased but seriously folks... the best.  He works long, hard hours and then comes home to cook and clean and take care of Farrah while I lay around and am pretty much useless.  He never complains.  He wants a healthy baby just as much as I do, so he does what he has to do.  I'm beyond grateful to call him mine.  I thank God everyday for placing him in my life and allowing us to be parents to our children.  Love you babe!

There are countless other people that have helped us but these are the ones I wanted to highlight for putting their lives on hold at times to help us.  We also have lots of family that don't live locally that have offered up love and support which helps carry us through.  My friends from the MOMS club have also been wonderful to bring meals and watch Farrah when they can.  How we got so lucky I'll never know.  This experience has taught me what true friends really are and I only hope I can do the same for them some day... although I hope it's never due to a bed rest situation and more of a happy situation like a vacation or something :)  Either way I'll be there someday to pick up where they left off.  Thanks to you all! 
Love,
Krista, Abe, Farrah, and baby #2