Selfishness

It feels good to be writing again!  It sounds silly because of all of the things going on in the world but we've been living without internet for the past several weeks and it stinks!  Who knew how much we rely on it, especially working from home?! 
We're finally getting settled in our new home.  It's taking some adjustment to get used to the new set up, the new neighborhood and all that comes along with it but it's starting to feel like home. 
We still don't have blinds up because it's a brand new house so I tend to wake up early when the sun comes up.  The other night, or morning I suppose, I laid in bed as the sun was rising and I was thinking about the choices we've made in the aftermath of October 29th, and I was proud to say, we've been a bit selfish.  I'm sure many people haven't understood some of the choices we've made.  Some have been quiet if they didn't agree and some have raised some eyebrows.  I will never feel the need to justify our choices to anyone.  So when I get the raised eyebrows I smile and bite my tongue.  I could go on an on explaining it away but what's the point?  Not many people have had to walk our path, and I hope they never have to. 
Was it hard for us to leave a home so close to our best friends in the world?  Absolutely!  Was it hard for Abe to walk away from a good paying job to be home?  Yes, and no :).  Is it hard for me to turn down playdates from time to time knowing that I'm taking my business in a new direction so I need to focus on growing it?  Definitely!  Do we have mixed feelings about having another baby so quickly?  Of course!  We're happy and we're sad.  Don't know that waiting any longer would have changed those emotions.  We are different people now.  Our priorities have shifted.  For however long it takes we need to be selfish right now.  My sole focus is my family.  Maybe that makes me a bad friend... I hope not.  I hope others understand.  We have the opportunity now for us to live the life we dreamed before Kellen passed.  And quite frankly, I'm mad I didn't try to make it happen sooner.  Kellen is my example that life is precious and sometimes, way too short. 
I have been known to be a people pleaser in the past.  I just love to keep the peace and see people happy.  But I have to say, it feels good to be selfish every once in a while.  You should try it sometime!

This one's for you little man!  Living our lives to the fullest since yours was cut short.