The 29th is going to be an interesting day these next few months. This month is the 11 months here/11 months gone day, next month is the 1 year anniversary, and the following month would be his 2nd birthday. My greatest fear about today is that now that he's been gone longer than he was here, I'll be expected to move on. That this time that has passed somehow erases the time he was here. I can't speak for all grieving parents, but I feel strongly that part of the battle I go through is between wanting so badly to "feel normal" again and "move on" but being sickened by the idea of the possibility that I could ever move on. There is no moving on.
So 11 months later, I think I'll spend this day remembering the 11 months I had with him. Our new house has little touches of him that make us smile. His star map given to us by a dear friend that had a star named after him.
You are not supposed to get over the death of a child. It gets to be something you can live around a tiny bit better. You do not ever stop missing him or wishing he had lived. It will always be there and it should be. We are not meant to bury our children. You loved him and every fiber of you would trade just about anything to have him again. To me, that means you are a good mother and a good person. Being with those we love is the most important thing we can do - even if it was only for an hour or two. I wish more parents knew that lesson. They scurry around doing things they think are important that really aren't. You and your family has my prayers. It always will. Losing him tore a hole in your family but you have worked together to hold together. That is an accomplishment other families have not done in the face of this type of grief. I so wish, with every bit of me, that you had not had it.
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