Twice the grief

I was driving the other day down the country road that leads to our new house.  I've found this time I've been spending driving down this road has been filled with thoughts about Kellen, thoughts about life now, and pretty much any deep thinking I do. 
On this particular day I started thinking about everyone else that Kellen's death has effected.  There have been many people that have told me how much Kellen's death has impacted them. I am forever grateful for the number of lives he touched.  But on this day I was thinking of the lives he impacted while he was still here.... close friends and family. 
Someone suggested a book to me entitled "Grandparents cry twice: Help for bereaved grandparents."  While I haven't read it yet, I understand the concept, and on this particular drive on this particular day it got my mind racing.  How difficult is must be for my parents and Abe's parents.  They are grieving the loss of their grandson, and at the same time they are grieving for us.  As parents all we want to do is protect our kids from harm.  Heck there are times I'm at the playground with Farrah and some random kid won't give her a turn on the swing and it tugs at my heartstrings.  I can't imagine watching your children suffer such deep pain knowing there's nothing you can do.  They certainly don't get the kind of attention they deserve in this process.  In typical parent fashion, their pain takes a back seat to ours. 
And then there's the aunts and the uncles.  The ones who got to spoil him, play with him, love him, and give him back to his parents at the end of the day.  They knew only the fun, the love and the joy and then they get the crushing blow when they got the call that day.  I'm sure they longed for more time with him, as we all did.  I'm sure they try to make sense of it all, as we all do.  They experience the same sadness, anger and confusion we all do. 
Of course, we have our friends.  The ones who love our kids as if they're their own.  And now he's gone and not only do they grieve his loss, but they're left with different friends.  I'm not naïve to think Abe and I are the same friends we were before this happened.  Abe and I took vows, for better or worse.  Our friends don't have to love us through it.  There are still days when I'm in a mood and can't bear much of anything, and I wouldn't fault them for being over it.  But they somehow seem to understand.  They're still there despite it all. 
Miss Farrah has not forgotten either.  I'm happy in a sense, because I never want her to forget her brother, but I hate to see her hurting in any way.  Because of her age, I think people brush her grief aside.  But she has real feelings and real hurt.  She asked her teacher at school the other day if they could write a note to Kellen in heaven so they did.  She likes to draw pictures of him.  And sometimes, if she's in a silly mood, she will pretend like he's here playing with her. 
I have not forgotten that you all played a huge part of his life and I imagine his death has effected you more than others think.  Thank you for loving us through this.  Kellen was so blessed to be surrounded by so much love.