Heaven holds JOY

We decided to take a spontaneous trip to go visit Kellen yesterday.  Farrah had been asking to go to "Kellen's celebration" a lot lately.  She just remembers that we were celebrating him on the day of his funeral.  We never called it a funeral so I'm happy she just calls it his celebration spot.  

We jumped in the car and stopped at a pancake place for some breakfast, stopped at the store to pick out some balloons to send to heaven as per tradition, then drove to his celebration spot.  I was thinking as we drove and were having our usual silly conversations with Farrah, singing songs and playing games that an outsider would have no idea we were headed to such a somber place.  Life does move forward, especially when you have another child that forces you to keep going.  

This was our first time visiting since they had his stone engraved.  For as much as we went back and forth about what we wanted on the stone, it turned out very nice.  Now we just have to decide which picture we want them to add to the right side. 

We said a few words to Kellen and released our balloons.  Each time we go it gets easier.  I remember when it first happened and we went for the first time to discuss the arrangements with the staff there I couldn't even walk in the door.  My legs gave out and I just sobbed until I could collect myself and go inside.  Now I feel that burning in my chest and throat but I don't usually break down.  It's nice to spend some time reflecting and remembering the joy he brought us.

 And I don't know of a better place for reflection.  This is the view his spot looks out over.  It's the perfect fit for my little guy.  He LOVED being outside.  I remember when his mommy attachment phase was in full force and I would leave him with my parents for a few hours, he would be so fussy that all they could do was take him outside and walk around to calm down.  This calmness would come over him and he would just look at the trees and flowers and go to his happy place. 

While heaven has the ultimate view, I'm pretty sure this is a close second.  Miss you my little guy.