Life lately

Life lately seems to be moving forward.  I wouldn't say moving on but moving forward seems to fit better.  If there's one quality about myself that I can remember from a very young age it's that I have always been an optimist.  I have my moments, don't get me wrong, but I just always knew that everything would work out.  I didn't need to know how, I just knew that it would.  I knew that I would marry the man of my dreams, I knew I would have beautiful children, great friends, great relationships with my family and a great career.  Abe and I have always been dreamers together.  From the very beginning we would dream about what we wanted for our lives together.  Pretty early on we decided that my business was going to retire him so he could be a stay at home dad and run the behind the scenes part of my business.  Book keeping, mailing, and DJ extraordinaire for all my events. And after October 29th we decided it was time to make that happen.  It was scary because we didn't know how it was going to work, but we had faith that it would work.  It was an adjustment in the beginning going from him being gone from 50-80 hours a week depending on the time of year, to being with each other  all.the.time.  But it's crazy to think the life we dreamed of living is now a reality.  But of course, there's a huge piece missing.  The biggest piece you could imagine. 
I was watching the show "Long Island Medium" (I know, I'm crazy for watching that show, especially now), and there was a woman on there that had lost her adult son and she said that she really missed him needing her and she needed him just as much as he needed her.  I would absolutely in a heart beat give this dream life back if it meant I could have him back and go back to the way things were. 
Now our day to day routine varies but it usually includes breakfast together then I start my work for the day and take breaks to go to the park with Farrah, watch her favorite show with her, or play "Frozen."  We eat lunch together and dinner together.  I can stop what I'm doing at any moment and do bedtime routine or get her ready for school.  I am beyond grateful for the life that I am blessed to lead.  I'm sure there are many people that wish they could enjoy those luxuries. 
Weekends depend on whether or not Abe has a gig or we have a family function but we've been able to do a lot more outings as a family.  We live in such a beautiful area with so many things to do.  It would be a shame to not explore from time to time.  This weekend we had a lazy day and decided to start going through Kellen's room.  Up until this point the door has been shut and all of his things, every piece of baby gear was just shoved in there so we didn't have to look at it.  We got about 10 minutes in and had to stop.  Every little toy, outfit, everything.  What finally made us stop was seeing his laundry hamper and his last little outfit that he wore sitting on top.  It all just seems so unfair.  Almost 6 months later and I still can't believe this is real most of the time.  This is our new reality. 
I will always consider myself to be an optimist.  I still believe everything will turn out ok.  We will just continue to move forward in faith.