Things that make me smile

It's been a while since I've felt the urge to write.  I will be honest, the weight of the phone call from the coroner was heavy.  It brought back the emotions from the day that it happened.  It was a rough week last week.  I was sad, angry, confused and a whole bunch of other emotions that I can't even describe.  I've come to the conclusion that I don't believe the results are correct.  Which is hard because I'm having to accept that I'll never really know exactly what happened to Kellen.  I do believe it was probably something to do with him being sick.  Something respiratory and he just stopped breathing.  But even his Doctor told me she was very surprised at the findings because she's never heard of that happening before.  He didn't have any of the major symptoms of croup but even if he did, it's not sometime people die from.  So here we are.  Figuring out what comes next I guess. 
So a week has passed and not that I'm "feeling better" or anything like that, but I'm forcing myself to look around and see the things that make happy.  To really experience them so I don't get swallowed up by sadness.  There truly is so much that makes me smile.  Here are just a few that come to mind.
1. All of Farrah's sayings.
I have a little book that I try to write as many of her sayings in as possible.  Boy does she like to talk.  I was watching a video my friend took of Farrah when she was no more than 18 months old.  To hear her just making sounds and using her baby sign language was so amazing to me.  I had forgotten what it was like when she didn't speak.  Now she doesn't stop talking.  One of my recent faves came after I came home from a work trip and was very excited that I ran into and took a picture with my favorite basketball player Steph Curry from the warriors.  So I told Farrah, who has watched a few warriors games with us, that mommy got to meet Steph Curry.  She seemed excited because I was excited but I'm pretty sure she had no idea what I was talking about.  So we came downstairs and Abe said to her, "Farrah did you hear who Mommy met this weekend?"  to which she hesitated, then responded ".... Sir Kirby!"  Sir Kirby is one of the characters from Doc McStuffins, one of her favorite shows.  Sir Kirby, Steph Curry, same thing I guess. 

2. My friends
I feel weird even calling them friends.  I am fortunate enough to have the type of friends that are more like family.  My besties, the girls I work with, my mom friends.... I'm surrounded by amazingess.  Leaving surprise white mocha's on my porch ;)  Sending cards.  Coming over in a messy bun and sweats to gossip and watch the bachelor.  Humor keeps me sane and my friends keep me laughing.  Thanks ladies!  I feel like I should have some Spice Girls playing in the background of this blog or something.  But really though.... girl power!

3. My husband
I remember when I first met him, I thought he was very quiet and shy.  Some people still think that about him.  False.  He's one of the funniest people I know.  Laughing together is getting us through.  Once Farrah is down for bed at night and he hands over the remote (assuming there's no games on) and says "What do you want to watch?" (smart man), and I usually say "something funny."  There's enough seriousness in our life right now.  I'm lucky to call him mine.

4.  The little things
My morning cup of coffee.  It's usually the first thing I think about when I wake up.  I actually look forward to getting up so that I can enjoy my morning ritual.  I love the morning time.  There's something about that fresh start everyday that gets me excited. 
Organizing.  I love taking 5 minutes to organize something that's bugging me... the junk drawer, the pantry, whatever.  To some it may seem like a waste of time but I always get this sense of satisfaction when it's done so well worth 5 minutes of my time to me. 
Reading books to Farrah.  Luckily she has a dad that's basically a big kid himself so he can do all the loud, crazy stuff with her.  I get so much joy from just sitting with her and reading a book.  I hope she grows up to love books as much as I do. 
My morning makeup routine.  Yes I am in the makeup business so I may be a little biased on this one.  But on the days where I don't take the time to fix my hair and put on some make up I feel like a different person.  There is some satisfaction in taking some time for yourself in the morning, then looking in the mirror at the finished product. 
Jelly beans.  Except the black ones.  Ain't nobody got time for black jelly beans. 

Life gets heavy from time to time.  Really heavy.  But we're forced to keep going.  So why not take a moment to remember all the good things that are happening?  They're there if you take the time to look.