Time

Much time has passed since my last blog entry.  To be honest, I just wasn't inspired.  Yes, life has been crazy busy with 2 kids, but have I literally not had any time to write a blog post?  No.... just haven't felt like it.  I almost wrote something this past weekend but then got distracted by something.
And then came October 29th when my world came crashing down.  It was my sweet Kellen's "11 month birthday... just one month shy of his birthday celebration."  I had put him down the night before after a day of him being under the weather.  He had a cold like the rest of us and was sleepy most of the day.  I always hate seeing my babies sick.  Breaks my heart.  So I put him down for the night early around 6:30 or so.  Around 6:15 the next morning my alarm went off.  Seemed strange for him to sleep that long being that he slept so much the day before and he still, at 11 months was waking up 1-2 times per night.  I had a sinking feeling. I went in his room to check on him and it was still dark outside so I couldn't see very well.  But I couldn't hear him breathe.  I touched him.  He was cold.  I screamed and my husband rushed in and started CPR while I called 911.  The next few hours were all a blur.  Police, Ambulances, firefighters, detectives.  Tears.... lots and lots of tears.  My sweet baby boy Kellen has gone to be with God.  His time on this earth has ended.
Writing has always been so healing for me.  There are few things that have brought me any comfort over this past week.  Writing is one of them.  So while to some it may seem odd timing for me to decide to pick back up with this blog, for me time doesn't seem quite the same as it did before.  Who knows when our time on earth will end.  I'm emotionally drained and have cried more in this past week than I have in the rest of my life combined.  In the days and weeks to come I'm sure I'll have more to write about, but for today I'll end with this:  Hold your babies extra tight.  Let them where pajamas to school (I did that today with Farrah), let them stay awake a few extra minutes, wait to finish the laundry until they're asleep.  I would give absolutely anything to have 1 more minute with my little guy.  Anything.
Love you my sweet boy.  Until we meet again.