My 2013

How cliche is it for me to say this year went by so fast?  Well it did!  Seems like that's the case every year.  This year has obviously been different than most.  When I think on what I want for 2014 I'm at a loss for how to feel.  Yes, I do have hopes and goals, but it's not the same as before.  Everyone always says things like "I just hope for my family and friends to be happy and healthy.  That's all I could ask for."  Well what happens when your family is not all healthy and happy?  What does that mean for us? 
I struggle with a combination of feeling extremely blessed by all that we do have, but on the other hand, if I don't have my son, what does it mean anyway?
I'm really quite shocked at what this blog has turned into this year.  I started this blog almost 5 years ago when I was pregnant with Farrah as a way to keep our out of town family and friends in the loop with what was going on in our lives.  On average I would say I had about 20 views of my blog per post.  Then, the first post I wrote after Kellen passed has had 1772 views to date.  I don't think I even know that many people. I can't even begin to thank everyone for what they've done for us this year.  If there's one thing I've learned from this year it's that we have the best family and friends on the entire planet.  Literally.... I checked, it's science.  Thank you for loving us, loving this blog and showing us that Kellen's life mattered to you all. 
Abe and I are the first to admit that we maybe took on a lot early in our relationship, more than others thought was wise.  We got married somewhat young, we bought a house young, we had kids right after we got married.  Was it the right choice for us?  Yes.  Would I recommend it for everyone?  No.  This year has brought a lot more changes for us.  Other than the obvious, we have made adjustments to our lifestyle based on our priorities.  Abe left a great job so that he could be a stay at home dad.  We've never shied away from making the right choice for us because we were afraid of what others would think. 
While I'm mostly an open book, there's one thing that I feel I should keep to myself on this public platform of a blog, and that's my relationship with my husband.  I think most things about us should stay between us.  But what I will say is that I have never been more clear that I married the most perfect man on the planet for me.  I can't imagine walking this road with anyone else by my side.  He holds me up when I don't think I can stand one more minute, and I hope I do the same for him too.  I thank God everyday for placing him in my life. 
So 2014, what do you hold for us?  When I ask myself that question the only image that comes to mind is Abe, Farrah and I holding hands and walking down a dirt road together.  So I guess I just pray that we continue moving forward.  That we can continue to walk together as a family, hand in hand. That's all I could really ask for.

This picture was taken on October 28th.  The day before Kellen grew his angel wings.  I realized I didn't have a picture of my 2 kiddos together as the backdrop for my phone so I told Farrah to kiss her brother and I snapped this one and I set it as my wallpaper.  I can't bring myself to change it.  I wouldn't be surprised if it stays there forever.  I will cherish this poor quality, Iphone picture for the rest of my life.  This is how I want to remember my 2013.