I have many good memories from my childhood. My parents did a great job. Definitely things I would have done differently, but the fact that both my sister and I are normal, productive members of society without arrest records means they must have done something right :) I do however remember the craziness of our days. My parents both worked very hard. There was a point where my mom was working nights at a grocery store and ran a home daycare during the day. When she slept, I don't know. Add that to all the activities us girls did and life was crazy. I don't ever remember my mom sitting down. She ate her breakfast over the kitchen sink or in the car on the way to wherever she was headed. At nights when my sister and I would watch a tv show or play with our toys she would be racing around doing laundry, cleaning, and whatever other household duties hadn't been completed. I remember wishing she would just sit down for a minute to watch our show with us, or sit down to just be with us. I promised myself I would do things differently when I had a family.
I'm starting to understand more what it must have been like for her, and sympathize. Being a parent is difficult. There are so many things to juggle that I think sometimes it would be easier if the hospital just send each baby home with an assistant for the parents. That way we could give 24 hr. undivided attention to our kids. Unfortunately, duty calls..... and the dirty floors, uncooked dinner, laundry, errands, etc. But I started realizing what things are necessary to run a household and what things just eat up my time. One thing us 21st century mamas have is the added obligation of technology. Especially being that I have a home based business, my phone is attached to my hip. Between email, texting, facebook and phone calls it's practically a full time job to keep it up. If these things existed when my mom was raising us, I may have never seen her.
As I was laying with Farrah the other day playing puzzles with her, I had my phone in my hand, checking facebook and I thought "I don't want her to have these memories of me when she gets older." I'm physically there, yes, but what does it matter if I'm there if my face is buried in my blackberry? And why is it even necessary to check these things right when they come in? If I don't return a text instantly will myself or my business spontaneously combust? Not likely.
So I made the conscious decision to put the phone down. To rid myself of the temptation I have to put physical space between myself and the phone... bad I know. If I'm upstairs with her, my phone needs to be downstairs to avoid the temptation. I have no idea if I've already done some damage... I surely hope not, but she is a kid that likes people to be involved in whatever she's doing. She says things like, "Mama, do you want to sit down right here next to me?" or if I put on a show for her she immediately says "Mama do you want to watch this show with me?" It matters to her that I'm there. And it matters to me.
Now don't get me wrong, there are things I have to do as her primary care giver and person that does most of the house stuff that she will have to be a part of but I try to include her. She "helps me" fold laundry, put things away, even cook. She has to tag along on all the errands. Since I work from home, when she's at preschool I have to use that time to work so the household stuff has to be done with her in tow. I hope that it makes her a stronger kid in the long run. Isn't that what all us parents what really? Our kids to have a happy, healthy childhood filled with good memories. It's easy to second guess choices you've made.
You do the best you can and hope your kids turn out ok, but this 21st century mama is leaving my 21st century blackberry behind when I have my mommy hat on.
How about you? Any experience with this? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
